Friday, September 21, 2007

Don't feel sorry for yourself - the perils of self pity!

One of the keys to living successfully and developing a strong sense of self, in my opinion, is to not feel sorry for yourself.

Does that mean you can't be sad? No. Does that mean you can't cry? No. Absolutely not. You CAN feel sad, you CAN cry, that's okay. These are useful emotions and acts. It's an appropriate response when we're hurt, or when bad things happen.

What you absolutely should get out of the habit of doing is feeling sorry for yourself. I use the word "habit" intentionally, because we all have the occasional bout of self-pity, of feeling sorry for ourselves, and that's okay. But chronic and constant self-pity is one of the most demoralizing emotions that you can indulge in. It puts you in a position of weakness and can easily spiral you down the road to depression if you aren't careful.

Why do people indulge in self-pity when it feels so bad? Well, one big reason is because it gets attention. Whining about your lot in life gets you attention. People listen to you, they pay attention to you, feel sorry for you, perhaps even try to do what they think will make you happy... at least at first. And for some people, especially people who crave attention, that can feel good, because it fills a need that they have. But in the long run, you run out of an audience, and no one wants to listen to you or to be around you anymore, because listening to self-deprecating and self-pitying talk can be depressing to the listener. Most people want to be around upbeat people, positive people, people who are living positive lives, and changing things around them.

So if you want to be successful, start by stopping. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop whining, stop pouring your sob story to any ears around you. Be positive, be real, be strong. Find the good and work on it. Don't fake it, don't pretend it's okay when it's not. It's okay to not be okay. Strive for balance. If you're sad, say you're sad, but that you're working your way throught, it and move on to something else, something better, something positive.

One of the keys to success - stop feeling sorry for yourself!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

thank you so much, i tell this to everyone. Everyone in the western world needs to read this

Anonymous said...

I just read this and it has made me feel better about myself. Thankyou so much